perfection

i distinctly remember being a child and regularly watching “true life: i want the perfect body.” i was fascinated with anything i could find on television that centered around people working toward the perfect body, whether on their own or with cosmetic surgery. i would create long lists of surgeries that i wanted to someday […]

living with anxiety

living with anxiety is fucking difficult. i often describe it as trying to complete a puzzle but you can’t find the corners and none of the pieces are lining up. the feeling that you’ve done something wrong and someone is going to be upset with you, when you really haven’t done anything at all. alienating […]

to my former best friend

it has always been difficult for me to admit when i’m upset about something. it has been even more difficult when the matter at hand is losing a friend. i like to pretend that the feelings don’t exist or that i’ve never been happier without the person in my life, even though it’s the furthest […]

thankful

i had an anxiety attack today. a full blown, completely overwhelming anxiety attack. my thoughts and emotions felt heightened. my chest was heavy and i had to take continuous deep breaths that didn’t really seem to alleviate anything. everything seemed to agitate me and i was completely on edge. i was scared, and felt like […]

fake smile

why is it so hard for us as a society to be transparent about our struggles? even when we have people in our corner to support us, we would still fake a smile and pretend that everything is alright. is it easier to just not say anything? or do we somehow believe that by not […]

mourning the loss of my former self

last night i attended my work christmas party (yes, in january) and it was my first time going out in a social setting with a lot of drinking since i decided to live a sober lifestyle. which, i’m now realizing that i haven’t really spoken up about that yet. i have been living sober for […]

thank u, next

none of us are strangers to people coming in and out of our lives in one way or another. personally, i’ve experienced this probably more times than i can count and admittedly, it gets a little mentally taxing. friends, family, coworkers, men, and even my former fiancé – i’ve seen them all come and go. […]

somebody that i used to know

most of my ideas for writing come when i’m going for a run in the morning, generally inspired by a song that may come on. a certain song came on a few days ago and i found myself replaying it 5 times, focused more on the lyrics than my breathing, and i started to brainstorm […]

my relationship with alcohol

today’s topic is one that i have gone back and forth about for months now. often times, i wonder if i’m strong enough to talk about it, or even at a place in my life where i should be talking about it. however, after talking to a new co-worker of mine about addiction & sobriety, […]

the rest is still unwritten

my last entry was close to a month ago, and, admittedly, i have 8 unpublished entries just sitting in my drafts, waiting for the day where i actually click publish. people have asked me why i haven’t been posting and my response is always that i’ve ran into writer’s block. while that’s not a complete […]